I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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