Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
