my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
