yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
