despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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