I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
