Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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