Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
