who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
