Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
