I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
