dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
