I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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