Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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