Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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