Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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