He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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