did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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