"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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