Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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