I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
