he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
