ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
dude. I can hear the air.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
