i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
