So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
