i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
