Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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