"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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