He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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