if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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