I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
