If i come over, it means nothing
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Can Purell be used as lube?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
