In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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