just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
