she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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