he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
