yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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