People in love make me want to vomit
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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