So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
