Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
