Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
