Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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