No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
