doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
