My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
