i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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