the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
