You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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