I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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