you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
