Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
