another moral hangover. fuck.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
