I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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