Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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