Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
