take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
