You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just want nice things and good sex
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Randomize
