dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
