I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need a beard to bite.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
