he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
