don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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