You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
