I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
birth control should be required to get into college
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
