I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
