Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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