yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
