it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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