her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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