I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Bring me that man meat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
