Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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