god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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