Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
