....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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