Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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