There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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