im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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