Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
