Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
