she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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