You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
