so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
