There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
